The tyranny of memories

What are the key memories that stick with you? Whether it was your first OIS, the child who died in your arms, the time the shooter looked you in the eyes before firing at you, the case where you got personally injured or sued, or the tragedy that struck your community, what sticks with you?

The 2021 attack on the U.S. Capitol building, the 2016 ambush of Dallas officers on Main Street and the 1997 North Hollywood shootout are often cited as memories that have stuck in the collective law enforcement mind. Perhaps we remember them because the harm done to one of us affects all of us in the law enforcement family. Perhaps we remember them because keeping them in the forefront of our minds keeps us somehow more safe in the future. Perhaps we remember them because they act like a tyrant usurping our thoughts, monopolizing our attention, manipulating information and reshaping our beliefs in ourselves and the world.

I will share some strategies to reduce the tyranny of memories. Learn how to shrink the painful or bothersome memories, how to reinterpret them, and how to be more fully present to experience peace and joy.

You can exert internal mental controls to manipulate the memories to your psychological advantage.

The Capitol riot

January 6, 2021. Pre-dawn: Unlawful assemblance and construction of gallows and noose on U.S. Capitol grounds. 1253–1740 hours: A crowd of 10,000-plus gathered on the grounds. More than 2,000 crossed police barriers and broke through a skirmish line to gain access to the Capitol. Some persons were observed with body paint, camouflage, horns, masks, stun guns, pepper spray, baseball bats, flagpoles used as clubs, a hockey stick, a sharpened pole, even a ZAP Hike N Strike 950,000 Volt Stun Gun Walking Stick. Chants to hang the vice president. Some have described it as a “medieval battle.” The D.C. Metro P.D. chief was quoted as saying, “I’ve talked to officers who have done two tours in Iraq who said this was scarier to them than their time in combat.”

Five deceased. One police officer died after being assaulted by rioters. One hundred and seventy-four officers injured, including broken ribs, gouged eyes, shattered spinal discs. $2.7 million in damages. Four officers died by suicide within seven months due to the trauma.

The Dallas ambush

July 16, 2016. 2058 hours. A lone male sniper (a veteran of the U.S. war in Afghanistan dressed in tactical attire with rifle) was positioned on a high-rise building overlooking Main Street and ambushed Dallas P.D. officers walking peacefully with community residents. It was not immediately clear to those on the ground where the shots were coming from and how many shooters there were, causing chaos and confusion. It was reminiscent of Lee Harvey Oswald (a discharged Marine) with his sniper position at the top of the Book Depository building on Main Street at the moment of the JFK assassination. The suspect fled onto the second floor of a parking garage on the campus of El Centro College and hid behind a concrete pillar as he fired indiscriminately to draw more officers to his snare. SWAT eventually used a remote-controlled bomb disposal robot to kill the suspect, a first in U.S. history.

One suspect (who died on scene). Five officers murdered — four Dallas P.D. officers and one Dallas Area Rapid Transit (DART) officer. Nine officers and two civilians injured. An entire department traumatized. Mutual aid requested.

The North Hollywood shootout

February 28, 1997. 0916 hours. Two male suspects wearing 40 pounds of homemade body armor (who were doped up on the anti-convulsant drug phenobarbital to calm their nerves) entered the North Hollywood branch of the Bank of America with the intent to commit armed robbery. The suspects set their watch alarms to an estimated 8-minute police response time based upon their scanners and previous surveillance. They carried illegally obtained and illegally modified weapons (i.e., Norinco Type 56 automatic rifles, Bushmaster XM-15 Dissipator with a 100-round drum magazine, Heckler & Koch HK91 rifle, Beretta 92FS pistol), but, unbeknownst to them, they were spotted by police on their way into the bank. LAPD patrol officers Loren Farrell and Martin Perello were passing by in their patrol vehicle and radioed a 2-11 in progress. The suspects took control of the bank by opening fire to intimidate and subdue those present. They robbed the bank of $303,305 (significantly less than expected due to updated security measures by the bank, which placed funds into separate lockboxes to delay potential robberies). The suspects exited the bank with the intent to flee in their blue 1987 Chevrolet Celebrity that they had spray-painted white, but when they observed LAPD personnel in position and at the ready, they initiated one of the most intense and longest gun battles with police in American history. 

Two suspects. More than 300 LAPD officers. Forty-four minutes. About 2,000 rounds of ammo (mostly by the two suspects, who ultimately died on scene). Twelve officers and eight civilians injured. Lots of damaged police vehicles and property. At least three officers died by suicide due to the unresolved trauma.

Actionable recommendations to break a tyrannical memory

Shrink the memory. You can exert internal mental controls to manipulate the memories to your psychological advantage. You can manipulate color versus black-and-white in your mind. You can manipulate moving video versus Polaroid still shots in your mind. You can also manipulate the size in your mind (e.g., 10-story IMAX theater screen versus postage stamp), and then intentionally toggle the image to any size that feels better to you. 

Reinterpret the memory. Challenge your current interpretation of a given memory (maybe because you have received new information, or maybe because you are trying to see it from someone else’s perspective). Notice, for example, anything that you might have previously overlooked or not been aware of. Actively and intentionally create a new narrative in your mind. Focus on the positive. If your mind begins to linger in the wrong direction, remind yourself of the new narrative as needed. Be compassionate with yourself.

Be more fully present to experience peace and joy. Do not look in your rearview mirror, except for that which brings you joy. Choose one or more centering strategies for the present moment: 

• Shift your attention to an object and describe it in detail, which helps the mind move away from the difficult memories. 
• Eat mindfully — slow down the process of eating by asking yourself, “How does this taste?” and “What is this texture?” to intentionally slow down your mind. 
• Walk mindfully — use a natural pace and focus on the details of your walk, such as counting your steps, counting the birds, feeling the air on your skin or smelling the orange blossoms. 
• Breathe mindfully — inhaling through the nose, exhaling through the mouth, focusing on the sensation of the breath moving in and out of your body to calm your fight-or-flight response. 
• Control your breath — use any breath strategy, such as the U.S. Navy SEALS box breathing, to lower your physiological arousal. 
• Listen to music — attend a concert or simply listen to what you like on your headphones to create distance from what is bothering your mind.
• Use mindfulness phone apps (such as Calm or Mindshift, but there are many options). 
• Scan your body, assessing how each part feels literally from head to toe. 

Beyond that, consult with a medical or health care professional if you are physically injured or psychologically hurting in some area, or all over. And practice empathy with others, to shift your mind’s attention off yourself.